Are you a REAL man?

I have been working on this post (a little at a time) for longer than I care to admit, I hope that it gives you men something to chew on and think about…

First, your job does not define you.  You are not your job.  And yet…so often this DOES define us.  Inevitably, when two men meet for the first time, the conversation gravitates, with an unwavering pull, towards – “So, what do you do for a living?”  Is this bad?  No, but work, your job, your career – these things should not determine who we are!  There is so much more to life than this, especially if you are a husband and father!

You're first responsibility, after God, is your wife.  There should not be another person on the face of this earth that is more important to you.  No, not even yourself.  When I say she should be number one I am not saying that you should shirk your duty as Head of the Household.  As men we have a responsibility to lead our families in a way that honors God.  In Ephesians 5 we are told to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  Read the rest of the context around this verse (25).  This is not something to be taken lightly. 

I strongly encourage you to find out your wife's Love Language. I highly recommend that you read the book by Gary Chapman.  (There are online tests/quizzes as well as descriptions that can give you a pretty good understanding of the concept if you don't want to devote time to reading a book to make your marriage better...insert guilt trip here.)  Once you find out your wife's Love Language (and by the way, if she hasn't already read the book it might not be a bad idea to recommend it to her as well) start by trying to do one thing each day that will help fill her "love tank".  I will post soon, hopefully tomorrow, a follow-up to this post entitled "50 Ways to Inspire Your Wife".  I received this in an email from my wife after I told her that I was writing this post.  She said she thought it might help to give you guys out there some ideas.

Another strong component to a healthy marriage is to keep Christ at the center of it.  This means both that you should be spending time daily with God, as He wants a personal relationship with you, and also that you should be spending time consistently in the Word together.  It also means that you should pray together regularly. Our pastor calls our personal time with God, "hanging out with God".  This includes but is not limited to praying (and not just gimme, gimme's), reading God's Word, studying God's Word and just plain talking to Him.  This will strengthen our relationship with our Heavenly Father and keep our minds focused on Him, as well as set a precedent in our homes-which is our responsibility!  If our wives and kids see us focused on Christ and spending time with Him, it will only be natural for them to follow our example.

Our second responsibility is our children.  That's right, wife number one and children number two.  Does this mean we love our wives more than our children?  You'd better believe it!  When you got married you made a lifetime commitment to this woman.  You became "one flesh" with this woman.  (See Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31)  You entered into a covenant before God and man with this woman.  Anyways, back to the father part…  As a father we again have many responsibilities, and again we should find out each of our children's love languages.  This way we can better show each of them love.  But don't over-think it.  Sometimes we try so hard to be the hero to our kids that we miss the important stuff that all too often seems insignificant to us.  When your little one wants your attention, whether it be to tell you something, show you something or just to give you a hug or kiss...don't brush them off!!!  They want your attention because you're already a hero to them! Maybe even a SUPERHERO!  My kids (and I’m pretty sure my wife) to this day are convinced that Daddy can fix anything!  (Little do they know! J)  For a son, you are the ultimate role model…..whether you like it or not.  They look up to you and they are going to do what you do, guaranteed.  Now I’m going to focus a little more on the relationship with a daughter because, well I have two and I don’t have any boys.  For a daughter, you are her first love…..what daughter doesn’t want to “marry Daddy” when they are little?  You will set the precedent for what she looks for in a boyfriend/husband one day, good or bad.  Did you catch that?  She will use you as a standard for a man in her life since you were the first.

Treat her like the little lady she is.  Just like you are the standard for a man in her eyes, how you treat her will also set a standard.  Set the bar high so that when she does show interest in the opposite sex she will pick someone who respects her for who she is and not some dirt bag who is just looking for arm candy.

Tell her she’s beautiful.  From an early age a woman wants to hear that she looks pretty.  Don’t assume that they know that you think this.  Tell them and tell them often.  (Hint: guys, this can and should be applied to your wife as well!)

Take her on dates.  Start when she is young, very young.  I started taking my girls on dates when they were barely walking…..and I hope that these special times will carry into adulthood.  The other thing about this, do it often.  Whether you set a specific “2^nd Tuesday of the month” or something like that, make it a regular thing.

Read this book by Dr. James Dobson, Bringing Up Girls.  Trust me, you won’t regret it.

And finally, do regular devotions with your family.  All you have to do is get it started, your kids will make sure that you keep it going.  Pick a regular time-after dinner, before bed, etc…  Use a devotional book, share from your personal devotions, etc…  Sometimes we will just do a “Love Talks” discussion.

There is obviously a TON more to being a godly man, husband and father… I certainly don’t mean to imply that I know it all.  I have only been a husband for 14 years and a father for 12…I’m relatively new at this yet!  Study God’s Word, read books, study your wife, study your children…all of these will help you understand how to be better at what we do and who we are.